Lava Lamps

Question: Have you ever owned a lava lamp?

Answer: Actually yes. I had this cool pink lava lamp that I bought from Target as an impulse buy. Then a few things happened.

1. I discovered that it's so cool looking that you'll be compelled to touch it, and when you do it will burn the fuck out of your hand.

2. My inner stereotypical gay guy that visits maybe once a year stopped by and I realized that despite it looking super cool, it goes with nothing and looks fugly as hell unless you have a black light and Bob Marley poster to go next to it.

3. It went to the Goodwill.

And that, folks, is the story of my lava lamp.

You see, it makes things pink. REALLY pink.